Family of 4

For as long as I can remember Ive always wanted a boy and a girl, a girl first as a matter of fact. It just so happened that I got lucky and things turned out the way I had hoped. 

Erik and I were both 19 when we got married. We found out that I was pregnant with Emalyn just 5 months after saying I do. He missed the majority of the pregnancy plus her birth due to a deployment and let me tell you right now, theres nothing like standing on a cold ass pier handing your husband his new baby for the first time. It was strange really. Since he missed the birth, I knew that once Emalyn had gotten older that I wanted to have one more. I wanted to experience having a child with my husband. I wouldn't exactly say that he was on board at first but after talks and talks of the pros he agreed to try again while we were still on shore duty. Turns out, I got pregnant with a boy... and we're done. Our family of 4 will never be a family of 5. [ If someone does their job correctly. ]

I personally don't want our whole marriage to be about babies. 

That might make some of you gasp but hear me out... Like I said above, we chose to get married young and accidentally started a family sooner than we wanted. We took responsibly for our actions and quickly jumped into mommy/daddy mode. The reason why I say that I don't want my whole marriage to be about babies is because I want to experience something with Erik other than having kids. I want to see rated R movies and go out for drinks. I want to have a night home alone with my husband. [ We've never lived close enough to family for that to be a option. ] I want to do whatever it is that married people do and I don't think that makes me selfish in the least bit. 

I want to be Erik's wife. Not just the mother to Erik's kids.

Can I still be his wife and have more kids with him? Sure, but when your done... you just know. 

Is a part of me sad that I will never experience pregnancy again? Yes and no. But deep down I know that I can't just get pregnant for the sake of hearing a heartbeat or seeing a baby on a screen. Theres so much more that goes into all of that. We are going to have so many "firsts" with Emalyn and Jonah. They are both so young and have a whole lot of growing to do. I want to be able to give them both the attention that they deserve while also giving my husband "wife" time. Even if Erik was to get out of the Navy [ which he isn't ] we still wouldn't want more kids. Our decision has nothing to do with the military. Our decision has to do with whats best for us, regardless of the military and other peoples opinions. 

We are in a good place right now in our lives and we feel good about keeping our family as 4. I feel happy knowing that I have a good husband, 2 awesome kids, a brand new home to move into and the fact that I will never be a mini van mom also makes me happy.